Last night I died in my nightmare…(funny enough listening to “Everyone Dies In Their Nightmares” by XXXTENTACION)
I woke up this morning angry, confused, and afraid in a far more overwhelming way than any dream death I’ve experience before. As a frozen flame, one of my morning prayers was this:
“Can the Lord shed this great fear of mine – Have I ruined myself with drugs completely forever? I can’t even feel if I’m experiencing a spiritual death or not…”
These thoughts actually stemmed from not the dream, but an unshaking feeling I had the night before I went to sleep.
This evening my prayer was answered when I was trying to raise money for the Human Rights Campaign. A pastor stopped me and said, “I will give you something better than a pledge for your charity.” And then he proceeded to pray for me answering my exact prayer from this morning without me even telling him and letting me know that I could not have been further from the truth, he said that my faith in Jesus Christ will conquer any spiritual deaths I was facing and that it was not in God’s plan for me to fall this way.
The clarity blinded me so I went to the bathroom to cry.
I leave you with one of my favourite quotes and a heartfelt sentiment,
“This is what the Lord says:
“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
or the strong boast of their strength
or the rich boast of their riches,
but let the one who boasts boast about this:
that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,”
declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 9:23-24
Thus, Live Long & Prosper, dear Children of the Dead…
I still do not understand this miracle that was today, this is why in Ayla Nereo fashion I show myself to you to know myself…